The Truth About Happiness
I want to address something that I think many of us struggle with: the pursuit of happiness. We all want to be happy, but I think we are looking in the wrong place. We think happiness is something we are going to find once we get married, or get that promotion, or buy a house. We think happiness comes from “things” and if we are not happy it’s because we don’t have enough “stuff.”
Have you seen car commercials lately? I recently watched one showing a family headed to the beach in a brand-new SUV, laughing and enjoying the drive along the coast. The message is that we can have fun and laugh and be happy if we buy a new car too. It suggests happiness can be purchased as easily as milk on the way home from work. But nothing I have bought has ever made me truly happy—not new clothes, not a vacation, not a car, and not a house. Those things might feel like happiness for a short time, but that newness isn’t permanent and it quickly wears off leaving us feeling as empty as we were before. A few months later we get bored and start looking for the next thing to buy, believing that will make us happy and it becomes an endless cycle of striving. But the truth is that nothing outside of ourselves will ever make us happy. Happiness is an inside job. Abraham Lincoln said something I love. “People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” How true is that?
I have known my friend Bill for many years, and by most people’s standards, he’s not a success. He drives a 15-year-old car, works a lower-wage job, and lives alone in a small studio apartment. Yet he is one of the happiest people I have ever met. He once told me that success is not measured by what we have, but by how far we have come from where we started.
One of the most compelling studies I have ever read came from Harvard University and it was called the Study of Adult Development. The study began in 1938, and the researchers followed 268 Harvard sophomores throughout their lifespan to determine what contributed to a satisfying life. It was the longest study Harvard ever conducted, nearly 90 years, and the results were completely unexpected. They found that close relationships more than anything else contributed to happiness, health, and longevity. Money, fame, accomplishments, and “things” had nothing to do with long-term happiness. We spend our entire lives chasing success only to find that at the end of our life we chased the wrong thing. I have never met anyone who was near the end of life tell me that they wished they had made more money or had a bigger house, they wished only for their family and friends to be with them for the time they have remaining.
Cherish your friends and family, because they bring lasting richness and joy. Release the endless pursuit of “more,” because it can never provide true fulfillment, peace, or lasting happiness.
